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How To Get Native Speakers To Stop "Englishing" With You
January 17th, 2025 | Ademola Adeyemi
You finally did it.
You studied for months.
Maybe years. You downloaded the apps. You watched the dramas. You sat through the textbooks. You memorized the phrases. You practiced in the mirror like a weirdo.
And today? Today you’re ready.
You walk up to a native speaker. Your heart’s pounding. You open your mouth. You say something in their language.
And they respond… in English.
Not broken English. Not hesitant English.
Fluent, confident, “let me make this easier for you” English.
Your stomach drops.
You try again. Korean. Japanese. Spanish. Whatever language you’ve been grinding.
English.
The taxi driver? English. The restaurant server? English. The cashier at the convenience store? English.
Every. Single. Person.
And then comes the spiral.
“Do I really suck that bad? Is my accent that terrible? Why won’t they just speak their language with me? What’s wrong with me?”
You start building a story in your head. You’re not good enough. You’ll never be good enough. All that studying was pointless.
Then the knife twists deeper.
You watch that same cashier turn around and have a full conversation in their language (the same one you were tossing his way a minute ago) with the next customer.
Laughing. Flowing. Natural.
Not you. Them.
And you’re standing there thinking:
What the f*ck? Why them and not me?
Here’s the thing nobody tells you.
The problem isn’t your accent. It’s not your grammar. It’s not even your ability.
The problem is a perspective you’ve never considered. A battle you don’t even know you’re fighting.
By the end of this newsletter you’ll:
- See these interactions completely differently.
- Understand why native speakers “English” you (and it has nothing to do with you sucking)
- Walk away with practical strategies to navigate bilingual conversations without the frustration, the self-doubt, or the ego battles.
Let’s get into it.
The Ego War You Don’t Know You’re Fighting
There’s this unspoken rule most language learners live by:
“If I start the conversation in a language, you should finish it in that language.”
We treat this like a universal law. Like it’s written somewhere.
Like a law everyone agreed to except the people we happen to start conversations with.
But It’s not a law.
It’s an expectation we invented. And it’s the source of all your frustration.
Let me show you something uncomfortable.
That native speaker who responded to you in English? They’re more like you than different from you.
Think about it.
They studied a language. They want to practice. They rarely get the chance to use it with a native speaker. They finally see an opportunity (That’s YOU) And they take it.
Sound familiar?
You’re looking at a mirror and getting mad at your own reflection.
“Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves.” — Carl Jung
Now flip the scenario completely.
Imagine you’re working at a coffee shop in the States. You’ve been studying Korean for two years. A Korean person walks in and speaks English to you.
YES!!! This is your moment.
You’re excited. You finally get to practice. You respond in Korean.
They crack a smile… but also look annoyed. They respond, but in English. They might acknowledge your Korean, but that’s it.
They keep speaking English.
How dare they! You learned the HARD language. You put in the WORK. Why won’t they just COOPERATE?
See how fast the entitlement shows up?
But we’re just getting started. Let’s dive a little deeper.
Here’s what actually happens in your brain during that interaction.
They respond to you in English. And you listen.
Not just to what they’re saying. but to HOW they’re saying it.
Your brain starts running calculations. Is their accent good? Are they fluent? Do they sound native? Are they struggling?
The dirty truth: If their English sounds imperfect, if you hear hesitation, a thick accent, awkward grammar, something shifts inside you.
Part of you thinks: “Why am I even fighting this? I’m better at Korean than they are at English. Just let me speak Korean, bro.”
You start feeling like a savior. Like you’re doing them a FAVOR by speaking their language. Like they should be grateful.
But flip it.
What if their English is flawless? What if they sound like they grew up down the street from you?
Now you’re comparing looking upward. Now you’re measuring your Korean against their English. Now you’re wondering if you even have the right to push back.
Either way, whether you’re looking down on their English or feeling inferior to it, you’re playing a game you didn’t sign up for.
You’re judging their ability while wanting them to accept yours without judgment.
You want grace you’re not willing to give.
You want patience you’re not extending.
You want them to let you struggle through their language while you internally roll your eyes at them struggling through yours.
That’s not practice. That’s ego.
I call this The Bilingual Standoff.
Two language learners. Both refusing to give in. Both wanting the exact same thing. Both walking away frustrated. Both thinking the other person was the problem.
Nobody wins. Everybody loses practice time.
Everybody goes home annoyed.
The craziest part?
You’re not wrong for wanting to practice Korean. They’re not wrong for wanting to practice English. You’re just two people with the same goal crashing into each other.
When you stop seeing their English as rejection and start seeing it as recognition:
“Oh, this person is playing the same game I’m playing”
The frustration dissolves.
You’re not losing. You’re not being disrespected.
You’re just meeting someone who wants exactly what you want.
The question isn’t “Why won’t they speak their language with me?”
The question is “How do I navigate this situation now that I understand what’s actually happening?”
5 Power Moves To Win The Bilingual Standoff
Truth is you can’t control what language someone responds in.
You can’t force a native speaker to talk to you in their language. You can’t make them cooperate. You can’t guilt them into giving you practice.
But you CAN control how you navigate the conversation.
You CAN get creative.
You CAN turn an awkward standoff into a connection or at least a laugh.
Here are 5 strategies to flip the script. No frustration. No ego battles. Sometimes, a genuine moment of fun.
1. The “I Don’t Speak English” Trick
This one’s my favorite.
You speak Korean. They respond in English. You look them dead in the eye and say (in Korean):
“Sorry, I don’t speak English.”
Then you smile.
Watch their face. Watch the double-take happen in real time.
Their brain short-circuits. “Wait… he just spoke Korean… but he looks like… but he said he doesn’t… what?”
This standoff has one primary rule: Whoever does the double-take first loses.
The more genuine you can communicate this and hold frame, the more effective.
They assumed: Foreign face = English speaker.
You just proved that assumption wrong in the most disarming way possible.
Now they’re open. Now they’re curious. Now they’ll speak Korean with you.
Later in the conversation, you can switch to English if you want. They’ll be like, “Wait, I thought you didn’t speak English!” and you just shrug: “I was playing with you.”
Now you’ve got a cool ass story and a funny connection. Way better than walking away frustrated.
2. Compliment Their English (In Their Language)
This one is subtle. And it works.
You speak Korean. They speak English. You speak Korean again. They speak English again.
Now, instead of getting frustrated, you channel your inner Korean ajumma.
In the most Korean way possible, you say:
“와~ 영어 진짜 잘하시네요! 어쩌면 이렇게 잘하시지? 미국에서 살아본 적은 있죠? 맞죠? 아니면 호주?”
(“Wow~ Your English is so good! How did you get so good? You definitely lived in America, right? I’m right, right? Or Australia?”)
Do it with the exact energy that Koreans use when they compliment foreigners on their Korean. Over the top. Genuinely impressed. Maybe a little childlike.
What does this do?
- First, it validates them. You’re acknowledging their skill instead of fighting against it.
- Second, it breaks the standoff energy. You’re not competing anymore. You’re connecting.
- Third, and this is the sneaky part, you’re having this entire exchange in Korean.
They’re hearing Korean. They’re processing Korean. And often, they naturally snap back into Korean without even realizing it.
You gave them the W on their English. And you got your Korean practice anyway.
Everybody wins.
3. Accept The Bilingual Dance
Revolutionary concept: Let them speak English.
You keep speaking Korean. The conversation continues.
“But wait—isn’t that giving up?”
No. Think about what’s actually happening.
You’re still getting input. Yeah they’re speaking English but they responded (which means they understand you).
You’re still practicing output. You’re forming sentences, choosing words, working on pronunciation.
The conversation is still happening. Information is being exchanged. Connection is being made.
The only thing you’re “losing” is a made-up competition that only exists in your head.
Whoever “breaks” and feels like they lost is the one carrying unnecessary pain. If you can release the expectation and just let the bilingual dance happen, you’ll find these conversations way more enjoyable.
4. Just Speak English With Them
Sometimes I just speak English with them. No resistance. No ego battle.
Then later in the conversation, I switch to Korean when something feels natural to say in Korean.
The beauty is I can navigate a bilingual conversation where we’re both comfortable.
You’re not “losing” by speaking English. You’re being a human who can communicate in multiple languages. That’s a flex, not a failure.
5. Treat It As Data, Not Rejection
This is more of a mindset shift than a tactic, but it changes everything.
When someone “Englishes” you, remove the emotional weight completely.
Don’t tell yourself stories:
- “They hate me.”
- “I suck.”
- “My accent is terrible.”
- “I’ll never be good enough.”
These are mostly fiction. You made them up. To suck is to say you are somehow behind where you “should be.”
If this is you, use it as motivation. Reflect on why and orient yourself in the direction of “better” than right now.
“The primary cause of unhappiness is never the situation but your thoughts about it.” — Eckhart Tolle
What you do know is quite simple: my ideal outcome didn’t happen.
That’s it. That’s all the data you have.
“The ideal outcome didn’t happen. What can I try next?”
Maybe the “I don’t speak English” trick.
Maybe the compliment.
Maybe just accepting the bilingual dance.
Maybe nothing. This interaction is done and the next one will go differently.
One interaction is not your entire language journey.
One cashier responding in English does not define your ability.
Collect data. Adjust. Try again.
That’s how you get better at navigating these moments. Not by spiraling into self-doubt every time reality doesn’t match your expectations.
(Bonus Tip!) 6. Find Your “Home Base”
Not every stranger needs to be your language tutor.
Random interactions are high-variance. Sometimes they go well. Sometimes they don’t. You can’t control the other person’s mood, goals, or preferences.
But you CAN build relationships with people who are happy to speak the language with you.
Find a cafe where the barista knows you. A restaurant where the server recognizes your face. A shop where the owner enjoys chatting.
Go consistently. Become a regular. Build rapport.
This becomes your “home base”—a safe practice zone where you know you’ll get speaking practice, no standoffs required.
When you have a home base, the random interactions matter less. You’re not desperate for every single conversation to go perfectly because you know you’ve got reliable practice waiting for you.
Desperation creates frustration. Security creates patience.
Build your home base.
The Bilingual Standoff isn’t a battle you need to win.
It’s a game two language learners play without realizing they’re on the same team.
Once you see it that way, the frustration fades. The ego quiets down. And you start having way more fun with these interactions.
Speak your target language. Let them speak whatever they want. Try the tricks. Collect the data. Find your people.
“Connection is why we’re here; it is what gives purpose and meaning to our lives.” — Brené Brown
And remember: They’re not rejecting you.
They’re just trying to practice too.
If you’re interested in the tools I use:
Migaku covers most of the technical sides of things – use my link for 10% off Lifetime or +1 free month (try it out 10 days free): migaku.com/adeimmersed
Struggle Less. Acquire More. Enjoy Life.
Studied at Yonsei University. Worked in Korean politics. Reached fluency in 18 months through pure immersion.
Now I help language learners cut through the noise and achieve what most think is impossible.
Gain A New Perspective On Language & Life
I went from understanding 0% of Korean dramas to discussing politics at Yonsei in 25 months—using the same immersion principles I teach every Saturday.